Messages from the World Wide Web


Mon Mar 13 02:12:01 PM EDT 2023

I stroll into my local GameStop looking to pick up a copy of The Sopranos: Road to Respect. I grab the game and take it to the charming maiden at the register. "Pardon me, milady," I say, "could you ring me up? A shame I don't have your number or I'd ring you up instead..." She giggles and takes the game, blushing as her fingers brush mine due to my fingerless gloves. Her eyes widen as she reads the game's title. "Wow, I've never seen anyone buy this before! You must have great taste!" I smile and ready a witty response, when suddenly a loud cackle rings out behind me. "Hahaha look at what this neckbeard is buying! That's not Call of Duty Advanced Memefare! Fuckin' nerd!” I quickly turn around, my cloak billowing behind me, to discern the source of the rude outburst. The generic dudebro caricature with a sports team cap and muscle shirt is standing there guffawing. "Excuse me sir...you may disparage my person if you wish, but it is untoward to swear in front of a lady." "Fuck off, basement dweller!” I smile quietly and tip my fedora low across my eyes, concealing them. "As you wish..." I quickly swing my cane into his kneecap before he can react. He bellows and charges forward, but I expertly sidestep him and the cashier screams as he crashes into the counter. I draw my sword-cane and mutter a quiet oath as I drive it deep into his back. "...Requiescat in pace..." As I clean my blade the girl walks out from behind the counter, twirling her hair with her fingers. "So...maybe you'd like to come over to my place to play that game sometime...?" "No thanks, milady, it's only single player. Besides..." I smile, as I sheath my sword, "...you're not my type." I skate away on my Heelys.

- Anonymous