Messages from the World Wide Web


Sun Apr 16 09:47:00 PM EDT 2023

Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.

- Anonymous


Sun Apr 16 09:44:01 PM EDT 2023

own a longsword for home defense, just like ye lordes of old intended. four rapscallions break into my cottage. “the bloody fuck?” as i grab my helm and swordbelt. ram a five foot blade into the first man, he’s dead on the spot. draw my seax on the second man, it doesn’t penetrate mail because it’s british and bruises his ribs. i have to resort to the ballistae mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with a serrated point, “your mother was a hamster and your father smells of elderberries!” the bolt catches two men and shreds them, the force cracks my sidewalk and sends concrete flying. draw flail and run down the last terrified bandit. he dies of brain damage waiting for the police to arrive since blunt force trauma can’t be healed. just as the lordes of olde intended.

- Anonymous


Sun Apr 16 09:42:13 PM EDT 2023

Cleavage? AUUUUGAA! HONKA HONKA! Whoa mama! Hummina hummina hummina bazooooooooing! eyes pop out accompanied by trumpets AROOOOOOOOGA! jaw drops, tongue rolls out, WOOF WOOF WOOF, heart beats out of chest, AWOOGA AWOOGA sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair, I take out a boxing glove and hit myself with it 17 times. Turns to the audience and say in 1930’s New York accent “HOT MAMA, now that’s a dame!”

- Anonymous


Tue Apr 11 10:16:42 PM EDT 2023

So the line I came up with is "I don't mean to be rude and I certainly don't want to be creepy, but (I gesture by bringing my hands up and cupping them around the breast area) are amazing." Then after she blushes and says thanks follow up with "I don't mean to be out of line, but would it be ok if I could have a feel?" So what do you think? What do I need to tweak to make it work?

- Anonymous


Mon Apr 10 10:37:58 PM EDT 2023

An egg cream[1] is a cold beverage consisting of milk, carbonated water, and flavored syrup (typically chocolate or vanilla), as a substitute for an ice cream float.[2] Despite the name, the drink contains neither eggs nor cream.[3] It is prepared by pouring syrup into the tall glass, adding milk, lightly stirring it with a spoon, then streaming soda water into the glass, mixing the other ingredients. Ideally, the glass is left with 2/3 liquid and 1/3 foamy head.[4]

- Edgar Kreem (Homepage)


Mon Apr 10 06:57:02 AM EDT 2023

Water Milk is the most refreshing drink there is. I’m not sure if there’s a name other people call it but it’s when you pour yourself a glass of milk, drink it, then immediately refill the cup with cold water without washing out the milk residue so it has all of those delicious milk particles floating around it. Tasty as a glass of milk and refreshing as a glass of water, the best drink there is.

- Anonymous


Fri Apr 07 12:20:01 AM EDT 2023

You don't know me, but I highly advise you read this thoroughly and in its entirety. You are to cease any and all communication with my mom, effective immediately. You are not to contact them for any reason whatsoever. You are not to answer their calls, texts, etc. Is that understood? It is not in your best interest to ignore me. I have a very bad temper and you do not want to see it get away from me. You will send me some sort of confirmation that you are receiving my messages and that you will comply fully. I have a Tor browser, plenty of disposable income, and all the free time in the world, kiddo. Do not test me, it is remarkably easy to make someone disappear. This is your last chance to respond before you end up in a red room. Never let it be said that I am not fair. You had your chance, kiddo, but you've chosen to ignore all of my generous warnings, and you'll soon learn the lengths I'm willing to go for my mom. Expect company, fuckboy.

- Anonymous


Fri Apr 07 12:18:32 AM EDT 2023

Me a Chungus? You the Chungus, you got the worst smelling nut cheese fungus among us

- Anonymous


Wed Apr 05 08:33:26 PM EDT 2023

I have a prayer request. There's a lady I've known forever. She is very sick and on top of that, she's being abused by those she has given everything to. Lies about her abound, and it seems to come from all sides. It just breaks my heart. It seems there's nothing I can do alone but, maybe if we join together, we can lift her up. She's almost 250 years old but way too young to die. Her name is "America", and I love her. People, we truly do need to pray really hard for our Country...and for each other. God Bless America. I copied and pasted this from another because I do love America and believe we should all pray for our country, the U.S.A! 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

- Anonymous


Wed Apr 05 08:28:07 PM EDT 2023

Unsuccessful with me, because I am sick of all the ‘boomer’ insults. It’s clear that we’re a minority here, but I think it is offensive and ageist to define an entire generation as being clueless and tech-illiterate. I’m 65, and worked with tech all of my adult life. I used magnetic card typewriters (and won an award for reprogramming mine to be more efficient). I met my second husband on a nine-line BBS, using an old Bass Ticket terminal and a modem coupler (nine people could log on at the same time and talk to each other!). I was part of an emergency response team that combined video with ham radio to send live feeds after disasters (after Loma Prieta earthquake — got to practice in a CHP helicopter!). I spent like $2000 on a PC that had a 20MG hard drive, and we thought we were cool. I used Compuserve, Wordstar, DOS! I know I have more experience than most in my age group…but the majority of my friends are pretty close to my level. I know some clueless ‘boomers’, but I know just as many clueless Gen-X, millennials, etc. I’ve held my tongue with all the bashing, but, to me, it’s as offensive as bashing any other group. How is it different from fat shaming, racist jokes, etc.? Ok, off my soapbox now, ready for the flames.

- Anonymous