Swagg::Net::Guestbook

When I was a kid, I spent a lot of time playing the math game “Number Munchers” on the Apple II. When I got a high score, I liked to put in something dirty then delete it and replace it with my name. Well, one time muscle memory kicked in. Instead of deleting it, I hit enter. “penis wrinkle” suddenly had the top score. I mathed my fucking heart out for hours trying to unseat king penis wrinkle, but I could never knock him down. It turned out to be my all-time best score. I couldn’t handle the guilt, so I confessed my fuckup since it was a family computer. All I remember is my parents asking “so... why penis wrinkle?” I think the computer and floppies were eventually donated to a school. Maybe someone else was able to beat penis wrinkle off the top scores.

Hello, Kitty... Welcome to your first day of training as my new pet and servant. Breakfast is every morning at 8:30 am EST. We will convene at that time if you are available. After breakfast, Master will begin his shift at work. Playtime will be between 12 PM EST and 1 PM EST. Depending on your availability, we will arrange for all manner of play, and you may request a particular manner of play if you so wish. At 5 PM EST, work will be over for the day, and Master will take you to his room, and you will obey his every command. When Master gives you an order, you are to respond in the affirmative with "yes master." At all times, if you understand a command you are given, you will respond with, "yes master." At the end of the day, if Kitty so desires, she can spend recreational time with Master before bed. She can choose to play a video game with him, chat with him over the phone, watch YouTube videos, or go for a walk outside. Otherwise, Kitty is free to enjoy her evening hours as she wishes. If you understand all of this, and you are ready to have a collar wrapped around your neck to become Master's kitty, please respond, "yes master."

In Super Mario Galaxy 2 there is an enemy called the "Smeech" this enemy will normally run away from Mario, however if Mario is riding Yoshi then it will latch onto Yoshi's face and start kissing him until you shake him off. When I was a kid I used to let a Smeech latch onto Yoshi and then just sit there and watch the Smeech just French kiss the shit outta Yoshi. I would watch the Smeech go at it for upwards of an hour just staring at the Smeech just tongue fuck outta Yoshi's face. I couldn't fully comprehend this at the time but I thought it was so fucking hot. I wished that I could have been Yoshi in that situation and just willingly let a Smeech jump on and take full ownership over my face. Did anyone else have anything similar happen to them in their childhood?

Don't get me wrong. I hate puppy farms and all that stuff but damn is it easier to just buy from a responsible breeder I have a dog at the moment but we tried to get a dog from a shelter before and it sucked ass They always like "this is cumsock, he can't be within a 7 mile radius of a sycamore tree and needs to bathe in a sheep's blood daily. If he very much hears a child he will bomb Venezuela and reastablish the USSR, his diet is is seven tonnes of dark matter and he drinks carbon monoxide" .... Man I should go to bed

Roses are red 🌹 Violets are blue 💙 Faces like yours 🤡 Belong to the zoo 🦍 Don't be mad🤯 I will be there too☺ Not in a cage 🙅‍♀️ But laughing at you😈

I was minding my own business going poopies in the stall at the long John silvers restroom. I was all alone until I heard the door to the restroom open. You walk in and then started banging on my stall door telling me my turds fucking stink and you could smell them all the way in the lobby where you and your family were eating. Well guess what. #1. They were NOT turds. I had fucking diarrhea Karen. Guess what? Fried fish and Tartar sauce upsets my tummy and yeah, there’s an odor when I’m farting diarrhea out of my ass. You didn’t even allow me to reply before storming out of the restroom. I’m posting this hoping you see it because I demand an apology. I ruined one of my favorite pair of panties that day at long John silvers and the last thing I needed was your bullshit. I clearly had my OWN shit to deal with. Now apologize!

Stop being shy 🙈 if you like me 😝just say that shit☝️ i prolly like yo cute ass too 🤷🏿‍♂️😉 FYATB 🗣️

If Elon Musk takes over Twitter and brings Donald Trump back, I will be leaving this country. I got my passport last week when I heard he might buy Twitter. Instead I’ll be moving to A CIVILIZED COUNTRY, the gorgeous TANZANIA ! So long, America! You’ve just lost a citizen.

This is Kevin's mom. I have taken control of all his Reddit accounts and he will not be getting them back. In addition, I will also be deleting this account and reporting all of you to the authorities. This is not the son I raised. I raised my son to be respectful of other women and to be a good Feminist. The Internet has ruined him, and he now refers to himself as a "Shitlord". You guys did this to him and I am putting an end to it. If he refuses to live a worthwhile life, then I will live his life for him. Goodbye, and I hope your parents are as disappointed in you as I am disappointed in my son.

My family poops big. Maybe it’s genetic, maybe it’s our diet, but everyone births giant logs of crap. If anyone has laid a mega-poop, you know that sometimes it won’t flush. It lays across the hole in the bottom of the bowl and the vortex of draining water merely gives it a spin as it mocks you. Growing up, this was a common enough occurrence that our family had a poop knife. It was an old rusty kitchen knife that hung on a nail in the laundry room, only to be used for that purpose. It was normal to walk through the hallway and have someone call out “hey, can you get me the poop knife”? I thought it was standard kit. You have your plunger, your toilet brush, and your poop knife. Fast forward to 22. It’s been a day or two between poops and I’m over at my friend’s house. My friend was the local dealer and always had ‘guests’ over, because you can’t buy weed without sitting on your ass and sampling it for an hour. I excuse myself and lay a gigantic turd. I look down and see that it’s a sideways one, so I crack the door and call out for my friend. He arrives and I ask him for his poop knife. “My what?” Your poop knife, I say. I need to use it. Please. “Wtf is a poop knife?” Obviously he has one, but maybe he calls it by a more delicate name. A fecal cleaver? A Dung divider? A guano glaive? I explain what it is I want and why I want it. He starts giggling. Then laughing. Then lots of people start laughing. It turns out, the music stopped and everyone heard my pleas through the door. It also turns out that none of them had poop knives, it was just my fucked up family with their fucked up bowels. FML. I told this to my wife last night, who was amused and horrified at the same time. It turns out that she did not know what a poop knife was and had been using the old rusty knife hanging in the utility closet as a basic utility knife. Thankfully she didn’t cook with it, but used it to open Amazon boxes. She will be getting her own utility knife now.