Swagg::Net::Guestbook

Roses are red 🌹 Violets are blue 💙 Faces like yours 🤡 Belong to the zoo 🦍 Don't be mad🤯 I will be there too☺ Not in a cage 🙅‍♀️ But laughing at you😈

I was minding my own business going poopies in the stall at the long John silvers restroom. I was all alone until I heard the door to the restroom open. You walk in and then started banging on my stall door telling me my turds fucking stink and you could smell them all the way in the lobby where you and your family were eating. Well guess what. #1. They were NOT turds. I had fucking diarrhea Karen. Guess what? Fried fish and Tartar sauce upsets my tummy and yeah, there’s an odor when I’m farting diarrhea out of my ass. You didn’t even allow me to reply before storming out of the restroom. I’m posting this hoping you see it because I demand an apology. I ruined one of my favorite pair of panties that day at long John silvers and the last thing I needed was your bullshit. I clearly had my OWN shit to deal with. Now apologize!

Stop being shy 🙈 if you like me 😝just say that shit☝️ i prolly like yo cute ass too 🤷🏿‍♂️😉 FYATB 🗣️

If Elon Musk takes over Twitter and brings Donald Trump back, I will be leaving this country. I got my passport last week when I heard he might buy Twitter. Instead I’ll be moving to A CIVILIZED COUNTRY, the gorgeous TANZANIA ! So long, America! You’ve just lost a citizen.

This is Kevin's mom. I have taken control of all his Reddit accounts and he will not be getting them back. In addition, I will also be deleting this account and reporting all of you to the authorities. This is not the son I raised. I raised my son to be respectful of other women and to be a good Feminist. The Internet has ruined him, and he now refers to himself as a "Shitlord". You guys did this to him and I am putting an end to it. If he refuses to live a worthwhile life, then I will live his life for him. Goodbye, and I hope your parents are as disappointed in you as I am disappointed in my son.

My family poops big. Maybe it’s genetic, maybe it’s our diet, but everyone births giant logs of crap. If anyone has laid a mega-poop, you know that sometimes it won’t flush. It lays across the hole in the bottom of the bowl and the vortex of draining water merely gives it a spin as it mocks you. Growing up, this was a common enough occurrence that our family had a poop knife. It was an old rusty kitchen knife that hung on a nail in the laundry room, only to be used for that purpose. It was normal to walk through the hallway and have someone call out “hey, can you get me the poop knife”? I thought it was standard kit. You have your plunger, your toilet brush, and your poop knife. Fast forward to 22. It’s been a day or two between poops and I’m over at my friend’s house. My friend was the local dealer and always had ‘guests’ over, because you can’t buy weed without sitting on your ass and sampling it for an hour. I excuse myself and lay a gigantic turd. I look down and see that it’s a sideways one, so I crack the door and call out for my friend. He arrives and I ask him for his poop knife. “My what?” Your poop knife, I say. I need to use it. Please. “Wtf is a poop knife?” Obviously he has one, but maybe he calls it by a more delicate name. A fecal cleaver? A Dung divider? A guano glaive? I explain what it is I want and why I want it. He starts giggling. Then laughing. Then lots of people start laughing. It turns out, the music stopped and everyone heard my pleas through the door. It also turns out that none of them had poop knives, it was just my fucked up family with their fucked up bowels. FML. I told this to my wife last night, who was amused and horrified at the same time. It turns out that she did not know what a poop knife was and had been using the old rusty knife hanging in the utility closet as a basic utility knife. Thankfully she didn’t cook with it, but used it to open Amazon boxes. She will be getting her own utility knife now.

Now I got a message for all you liberals out there. You want my gun? My firearm?! Come take it from me. Just walk through my door! Come into my home, and take it from me! With your weak, soft... liberal, girlish hands... Just try to put those hands on me! Those soft liberal hands... Put them on me! On my body! Just slowly... gently... dragging your fingers up and down my arm giving me goosebumps. You want my gun?! Come kiss me for it! But not like right away, don't be too obvious with it. Let's do that thing where we- our faces get close to each other and you know what's gonna happen it's just a matter of time you just stare at each others lips but you're waiting for the right signal to give yourself over to them completely, like in a Walk To Remember... Come do that for my gun! Bite my lip and play with my hair... for my firearm! If you want my gun, come spank me for it! Not like-Not like too hard.. but like like.. still hard, you know? Li-Like-Like hurt me but make me feel safe at the same time. You pussy liberals!

swagg

So, you've lost No Nut November. What does that mean? It means you're weak for you've succumbed to mere temporary carnal pleasure. You have abandoned the power of self-control for a few seconds of ecstasy, and where does that leave you? Alone, Abandoned, Ashamed. You may claim that you stand strong, tall and healthy over us for the simple act of stimulating your sexual organ might help prevent prostate cancer, but what are 30 days of releasing your unborn children against 335 days of being able to. Your sick perversion has left you down with all the other rotten peasants who couldn't stray from their addiction for a simple month. You could've joined your comrades in the majestic gates of Valhalla as you pleasured yourself to even the most depraved tags in your website of preference, yet here you lie defeated as your comrades continue to fight strong to the urge of mating whether it be with a sexual partner or their own extremity. Your mere presence disgusts them as their trust and belief in you slowly drifted from their hearts with each stroke you gave to your rod. May the guilt of your actions weigh you down for what's left of the month

I've been callin' y'all for better than a month, griping about y'all, every time Looney Tunes come on, y'all put Porky's Bu*thole on, I figure last night, and the second the cartoons come on, it was Porky's freakin' ol' Bu*thole, I said "Surely, y'all ain't gonna put the last two on Porky's freakin' Bu*thole", I, nah y'all are gonna die [if] you'all don't put Porky's freakin' Bu*thole on last dang' ol cartoon like you'all did this morning. I've seen the dang 'ol crap a half-a-million-and-a-half times. I don't see why in the heck y'all think these dang ol youngins are gonna sit there and watch Porky's dang ol Bu*thole, time after time after time after after [d-ol] time, and don't y'ever get tired of it, like– and, yesterday, y'all, I got up 7:30 in the morning, and watched all day, and I don't think y'all was right on time with y'own show all dag-gum day. I went to bed last night, wantin', wantin' to get– get one right. But y'all was wrong, still wrong. I was gonna say, I guess I'mma gonna have to call the FCC about shuttin' y'all's butt down. Y'all don't I just don't, you don't think no three-year-old kid's gonna buy, buy something, buy a dag-gon armload of stuff, cause y'all put'n those dang-old commercials on, dropping that crap on and on and on, it don't matter crap today, cause you was 5 minutes late this time, you gonna be 5 minutes late next time, cause you gonna drop those freakin' commercials on, till, till y'all get ready to... quit, yo. For some reason y'all think you're got'dang job every 10 minutes a commercial's on every dag-ol time, y'all get through, every time a show goes off or somethin. I dun-no.